Postgraduate Depression

You know the classic story of the hero? He, or in this case she, accepts a challenge, goes through obstacles, faces a crises and recovers to reach her goal. Well, readers, my crisis is over. How do I know that my crisis is over? I woke up this morning and felt like I had something to say. For the first time since I returned from my summer job a month ago, I wanted to write.

Postgraduate depression is a real thing. It’s akin to First-year Loneliness Syndrome most college students go through. It’s probably the same kind of “freaking out” that all people go through anytime there’s a major change in his or her life. Postgraduate depression can be described as a prolonged feeling of “What am I doing with my life?” with the resulting echo being a hollow “nothing, nothing” that fades into the nights of Netflix binge watching and an old friend you graduated with from college, procrastination.

I got so discouraged that I deactivated my Facebook and started calling/emailing my friends that I wanted to keep in touch with (crazy concept, I know). I didn’t want to see day after day that “everybody” was getting great jobs or going to great schools. And I was just sitting here, with an empty bank account and empty days ahead. I know that social media is a farce, that people create ideal versions of their perfectly pictured lives to display for the public; but even so, I couldn’t help but think that I wasn’t making progress.

I spoke with a friend recently who is moving back in with her parents soon in order to save more money. She also felt depressed, like she was moving backwards. But we decided that just because we feel social pressure to get perfect jobs, move out of our parent’s homes, and start our “adult lives”, doesn’t mean that we’re failing at life if we’re not doing those things immediately. Everybody has their own path. Whether it takes you four or six years to get an undergraduate degree, you’re still working toward your goals. Don’t let people make you feel bad for taking time to figure out exactly what you want to do, or for working through obstacles like a lack of resources. The important thing is that you do have goals and that you persevere.

I use my sister as an example all the time. She graduated from college two years ago. During the past two years, she has continued taking courses to fulfill prerequisites for graduate school and made progress into her intended career by becoming a nurse assistant. Now she works at Duke University Hospital and is most likely entering PA school next fall. That’s progress. Who cares if it took two or more years? She has gone through countless setbacks, but has steadily worked toward her goal; no one can say that she has been sitting around doing nothing.

Some people would still judge her for moving back in with her parents this summer, but like I said, everybody has their own path. Until you know everything about what a person has or is going through, you can’t judge whether they are “failing” at life. People forget that college students are graduating into a different economy nowadays. It used to be that people could move out and start a career right after college, but I’ll be lucky to get any job that allows me to start paying back my student loans this year. So I say, screw those people; you do you. I may not have any immediate plans, but I do have goals for graduate school, working abroad and more; and I don’t have plans to give up, no matter how long it takes.

Beck

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The Love Story that Never Was

“Next to being married, a girl likes to be crossed a little in love now and then. It is something to think of.” – Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

I feel cursed because I always have to be “in-like” with someone. When I disappear into my dream world of romantic possibilities, I have to have someone to imagine living in my cottage in the country with besides my cat. For a long time, this person was that guy from my Astronomy class my freshman year. Let’s call him Ron. This crush was based on a solid foundation of absolutely nothing besides good looks and a friendly countenance. I knew very few things about him and I can count the number of times I’ve spoken to him on one hand. I knew he was smart, funny, interested in other cultures, Christian, and had a weird laugh (apparently, that’s all I needed to know). I also knew how to spot him from across the courtyard and listen for his voice as I walked around campus. Let’s not get into the humiliating details of the cyber/real life stalking, I already sound pathetic. I hardcore crushed on him for three years. Okay, now for the awkward ending to this nonexistent love story.

Do you ever play out a conversation in your head and the other person won’t stay on script? To be honest, I had no idea what I was doing or where I wanted the conversation to go. It was an ill-planned decision. I’m really bad at flirting and talking to guys in general. I thought I would be better at this through text messaging. I’m not. On one of the biggest party nights of the year, I got a little buzzed and decided to “accidentally” text my crush. (How I got his number is irrelevant.) The following messages were sent (slightly modified).

Me: Are you going out tonight?
Ron: Hey who is this? Sorry
Me: Oh sorry. Wrong number. Wait who is this?
Ron: I asked you first.
Me: Is this Ron?
Ron: Yea it’s Ron. Who are you!?! This isn’t fair.
Me: Guess : )
Ron: Dr. D’s mom? Well whoever you are yes I am going out.
Me: Okay I’ll see you at — then. : )
Ron: I’m only going to — if you tell me who you are.
Me: Not Dr. D’s Mom ; ) [I should not have used a winky face, it was going so well.]
Ron: Becky H? [Darn you Facebook! Why do you make our numbers searchable?]
Me: Guilty. : )
Ron: How did you get my number?
Me: Wait. Which Ron is this? [Lame attempt to save face.]
Ron:

Ronald proceeded to delete me as a Facebook friend the next day. In an attempt to apologize for drunk texting him, I messaged him on FB and sent, “Hey, I think I might have texted you last night? My bad, I meant to text another Ron…” to which he replied “All good”. Well reader, the spell is broken and I destroyed my chance that never existed. I really hope I never see him again.
Why does drunk texting always work in the movies and not in real life? Everything I know is a lie! This was one of the most embarrassing things to ever happen to me. So, why am I sharing it with the world? Because it was a powerful learning experience. NEVER text a crush who has not given you their number, especially if you’re drunk. They will find out who you are, and chances are it will not end up “all good”.

You’ve been warned.
Beck

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