This past week has been productive and fun, a rare combination. I visited Charlotte for the first time since the spring last weekend! It was really nice to see home again; I only wish I could have seen my friends as well!
Oh! By the way, I got a job! It’s nothing fancy, just a barista position at a local Starbucks, but I really like my manager. I’ve only worked a few days doing online training and coffee tastings. I have to admit I’m really bad at coffee tasting. Without cream and sugar it just tastes like dirt, but of course I can’t say that to my manager so I’m making stuff up and guessing. Hopefully, I’ll get better at tasting the more subtle flavors of dirt in the coffees. I have to open tomorrow, which means an early morning. I will be up before the sun. Yayyyyy…
Last night, Sarah and I met some of her work friends at Natty Greene’s Brewery in Downtown Raleigh. It was really fun getting to know some of her friends. The beer was good too! I got the wildflower beer which was a lighter beer with citrus hints. We went for Thirsty Thursday though so there was a really long wait and lots of college babies around. haha
I just sent out my requests for letters of recommendation for graduate school. I’m slowly making progress on my list of steps to achieve greatness. I also took a practice GRE…at night…with no preparation at all so I could see where I am. My scores were actually somewhat expected; really good in verbal reasoning and really bad in quantitative reasoning. I’m definitely going to study the math portion extensively before taking the actual test in a few weeks.
Wish me luck!
If it’s possible to be a completely different person from one month to the next, I can say with confidence that I am not who I was last semester. The reason I know I am a different person is because of those two small words, “with confidence”.
But first, I want to apologize. I’m sorry for letting you and myself down. I’m sorry for not being able to finish my assignments on time and not performing to the highest standard. I’m sorry I had to work during the semester. I’m sorry I was homeless. I’m sorry I wasn’t reliable and doubted myself. I’m sorry things turned out the way they did.
I’m also not sorry. I’m not sorry for the things I couldn’t control. I couldn’t help that I needed to work to afford to stay in school. I couldn’t help that I lost my job and didn’t have a place to stay. I couldn’t help that I was spending two hours every day commuting instead of doing work. I couldn’t help that I found a place to live too late in the semester to give me time to catch up. I also couldn’t help that my course of study required me to take five classes, two of which were capstone courses, complete a practicum, and study for a huge standardized test.
I’m tired of being sorry. I’m tired of regretting my actions and feeling bad about my failures. Because I learned from them. Who I am is not what I have done. I am not a failure. I am an intelligent, capable, responsible student. I have fears, but I don’t let them stop me from trying my hardest to achieve my goals. I have confidence in my ability to be not only a good student, but a successful professional. Failure is giving up when things get hard. I do not give up, no matter what. That is who I am.
You once told me that teachers make poor students, but I think teachers must be good students in order to learn from past mistakes and grow as individuals and professionals. I may or may not teach in a high school classroom, but whatever I do, I will be a teacher, because that is who I am. I don’t need a license to invest in those around me and help them grow. As you said, I have a lot to offer the world. I may do one thing or many things in life, but what I won’t do is limit myself because one person told me I couldn’t do it.