Now Showing: Technical Difficulties

It is my unfortunate privilege to announce that tonight was the first time I have ever gone to the theatre and left without seeing a movie. There was entertainment to be sure, but no movie to be watched.

I’m visiting my Mom in Raleigh this weekend to help her get some decorating done in the house. We spent two hours at Ross (my favorite store), then a couple more hours rearranging decorative elephants on the mantelpiece and hanging (then rehanging) several pieces of wall art.

We thought we were treating ourselves to a well deserved dinner at Twisted Fork and a movie tonight. I was so excited to see Kong: Skull Island. Usually, I don’t go for those kind of movies, (you know, the weak storyline all violent action kind), but I was eager to see this film for two reasons. First, and it really should go without saying, Tom Hiddleston is H-O-T hawt and is an excellent actor. Second, I enjoyed the Kong: Skull Island thrill ride at Universal Studios when I was there over Christmas and was interested in how the film compared to what was seen in the ride. Sadly, my day was not made complete by seeing Hiddles all sweaty while running away from an impossibly large gorilla.

After waiting through the trailers, a quirky jazz theme began to play. The screen faded slowly into Michael Caine walking into a bank. Wait a minute. There’s no way a Kong movie starts with an old man going to the bank. Moviegoers began to leave the theatre as I realized that this is not another trailer. We have just started watching Going in Style. My Mom, bless her soul, had no idea this was not Kong. She was happily watching Michael Caine get caught up in a bank heist while whispering to me, “He’s a legend.”

I left the theatre and joined a throng of people in the hall. A teenager nearby told me someone had already gone to tell staff about the mishap. I went back inside to wait for the theatre to correct their mistake.

This is not the first time something like this has happened to me. A while ago, my friend and I went to a rescreening of The Lord of the Rings in theaters in preparation for The Hobbit movie, which was soon to be released (RIP Hobbit book), when they started the movie 15 minutes into The Two Towers. It was weird, but they fixed their mistake right away and we all had a good laugh.

Ten minutes after our screen going blank, a staff member came in to tell us that if we wanted to watch the movie, we’d have to move to another theatre room. At that point, it was almost an hour after our original show time and my Mom and I were annoyed and tired. But, we took the trip to the other side of the building to a new theatre room where we were promised no additional commercials or trailers.

Finally, the movie started. Many people  had given up and gone home or chosen another film. We were determined. We were the faithful. I was going to see Tom Hiddleston if I had to stay up past midnight (a true sacrifice) in this terribly old, broken down cinema. Five minutes into the film with no Tom in sight, my Mom turned to me and said she’s already seen this movie and wants to go home. She forgot she already saw it with Rachel when she visited her in Boston recently…

So, I wasted an hour of my life, but at least I got a few free movie passes from the whole thing. #mylifeisbeck

I still haven’t seen Kong: Skull Island. Wait for me, Tom.

Beck

 

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My Nerd is Showing

I’m not sure if I mentioned this before, but I’m a HUGE Lord of the Rings and Tolkien nerd. I’m too big of a Lord of the Rings/Tolkien fan to not write about The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug, even if it’s a bit late. I saw the premiere and…I didn’t like it very much. Sad, I know. Here’s my beef with PJ’s adaption of the story.

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The scene at the beginning of the film with Gandalf and Thorin was unnecessary as it did not tell us anything we didn’t know before except how all this started, which hardly matters in my opinion.*

Oh my Tolkien-gods. Azog and his orcs are one of the most annoying things about this movie. Their sole purpose is to move the company from one place to another as quickly as possible. They basically replace the ring wraiths from FOTR. KMN.

I did like Beorn and I wish we could have seen more of him. I liked the way Gandalf had the dwarves meet Beorn in the book better (two at a time, every five minutes) because it showed us how careful and smart Gandalf was. Oh well. I understand that the movie can’t be the book, but that doesn’t keep me from being disappointed.

Mirkwood was really cool. I like the way the dwarves get disoriented and loose the path. It was cool how it happened in the book too though with them following the lights of the elves, etc. I kind of missed the sleeping river bit with Bombur. I think that could have been really funny to see on screen.

I like that Bilbo could understand the spiders when he put his ring on. This was done really well. The only thing I sort of have a problem with is when Bilbo lost the ring and kills a baby spider to get it back. Although it was interesting to see this part of him and I think it was done well, I feel that his relationship with the ring is developing too fast. In the book, the ring is used when needed but Bilbo doesn’t feel such strong attachment to it, not to the point when he would kill for it. He’s already killing for it and he’s only had it for a few weeks at most. It takes Frodo at least a few months before he gets to that point in LOTR.

Wood elves provide a lot of opportunity for spiffy action fighting sequences. I’m not opposed to this. The scene between Thorin and Thranduil is also interesting, although I’m wondering what the deal was with Thranduil’s face. I hope that is explained more in the third film. What can I say about the barrels out of bond escape sequence? It was different from the book, obviously, and I can’t say I liked it more. The orcs are as relentless as they are pointless. I’m so tired of them showing up everywhere.  Also, there is another video game scene with Bombur knocking over orcs in his barrel. It was funny but, SMH, PJ.

The whole Legolas-Taurial-Kili love triangle is a cheap way to bring romance into the films and is completely unnecessary. This plot element is what made my initial reaction to the film a bad one. (Also, eww to Evangeline Lily’s acting.) If I wanted a love story, I wouldn’t watch an LOTR film. First of all, Tauriel and Kili “fall in love” after two scenes together, which is very unrealistic to me because dwarves and elves HATE each other. Legolas doesn’t need a new reason (i.e. Tauriel and Kili together) to hate dwarves, he already does. Second, making a dwarf-elf pair undermines the significance of the Legolas and Gimli friendship in LOTR. Legolas and Gimili are the two that are supposed to bring the races together and give hope for reconciliation. Third, I’m not opposed to Legolas having a love interest, but it is a bit pointless considering we all know he sails to the Undying Lands with Gimli after the war of the ring. Overall, anytime there is anything remotely romantic happening in the film, I have to fight the urge to vomit and/or slit my wrists.

I like Bard. (He looks exactly like Will Turner from Pirates of the Caribbean!) His family is super annoying though, especially his daughters, who are only good for screaming. If you’re going to add this many new unnecessary characters, at least make me care about them. The family may as well be made of cardboard. Also, why is Esgaroth and everyone in it so dirty/poor? Is there no sanitation department? I couldn’t live there with that mess. Speaking of Esgaroth, it didn’t quite feel like Middle Earth. It felt very much like a part of our world, just from an earlier period. Perhaps this was on purpose, but it was distracting. I didn’t like Lake Town very much. I was expecting it to feel more Bree-like because it’s mostly a human dwelling. Did anyone else notice that Alfrid, the Master’s henchman, is basically Wormtongue?

Did anyone catch the two black people strategically placed in the background of Lake Town?!?  I guess PJ and co. got tired of hearing the criticism about not hiring minorities in LOTR. Haha

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The scene of Gandalf in Dol Guldur and the subsequent fight between Gandalf and the Necromance/Sauron was one of the most amazing scenes in the film. Gandalf was in full cool wizard mode and Sauron was super scary. Even though the Tolkien purist in me was screaming in frustration, I really like this addition to the story. (It kills me to admit it.) How is Gandalf going to get out of prison? I’m excited to find out.

Am I the only one who thinks the dwarves give up WAY too easily after they apparently fail to find the key hole? They came all that way, spent five hours of film getting there, and are ready to give up and go home after two minutes of searching? That’s unrealistic to me. Of course, it gives Bilbo a great opportunity to show his quality. By the way, I think he does steal the Arkenstone, although the movie doesn’t make that point clear. It’s necessary for the third film, although who knows what PJ is doing to the rest of the original story line.

I absolutely love Smaug. He was beautiful and Benedict Cumberbatch does an excellent job. I also think Martin Freeman did a fantastic job, although I wish Bilbo had waited longer before taking off his ring. He seemed a bit too frightened. The Bilbo in the book was wittier and more confident I think. Smaug also was extremely perceptive when it came to the one ring and guessing that a “darkness” was coming, etc. How would he know about that if he had been sleeping for so long?

Although I appreciate that the dwarves tried to fight/trap Smaug, there was no way using molten gold was going to work. Gold is too soft a metal to really trap him and dragons are impervious to fire, so the temperature wasn’t going to do anything either. It looked cool, but that’s about it. One of the numerous pointless things PJ added to the film/story.

I liked the movie more the second time, but I’m not ready to say it was awesome. I never thought I would be neutral about a LOTR film, but so it is. Overall, I think it borrows way too many plot elements/lines from LOTR. (“We’re part of this world.”) I really can’t wait for the fan cut where they take all the Taurial mess out.

Ed Sheeran’s “I See Fire” is a great song. I love it.

*All of this is my opinion and hardly matters, so don’t get up in arms about what I have to say. This is my blog!